The way you treat people is the same way they behave
This is something that you won’t understand unless you have experienced it. I felt this myself and started changing my attitude towards people.You might be wondering that what happened, how did experience it? Well I that this really awesome yet scary teacher as my maths tutor 2 years ago. I used to excel at maths in my tuition, used to score the highest marks. I never actually worked that hard though, it was all my ability to grasp concepts and use my own brain. I used to shrug it off or behave modest whenever I used to get my results. You know why? Well because never wanted my friends to think less of themselves. I wanted them to think of us as equals. To cheer them up by simply not telling my results or not showing it off. I used to think of myself as a cool, yet modest and innocent back then. It wasn’t untill this year, while I was catching up with one of my friends that I came to know that my dear tuition teacher whom I respected for helping me reach the top, didn’t actually like me. It was a shock because she taught my sister and loved my sister as her child. But when it came to me, she liked the fact that being her student I was scoring well but didn’t like me as a person. I asked my friend, “why?”, She looked at me with both concern and indecisiveness in her eyes and replied, “that woman asked me to stay away from you, she said you have ‘attitude problems.'” Which basically meant that she thought of me as arrogant. Ouch. That one hurt. Then seeing my expression, she said “But I’m fed up of her, she’s purposely invading my life and telling me off all the time. So I decided to not listen to her and get to know you properly before I make any decision. Boy I was sooooo wrong about you. Yeah you’re cool and have attitude but dude you’re so good at heart. I mean I love ya for being modest and generous.” I was touched, I mean I did like that fact that she thought of me as a good person but a part of my already accepted that I was arrogant. I then kept cursing the teacher for thinking of me as arrogant, for a couple of days. Then when I was finally fed up, I stopped thinking about it. But you know what? After analysing my attitude after that day for 2 months, I realized that I changed drastically. I actually started being egoistic. I started wanting revenge for petty matters and always acted like I’m the best. Acting like I’m the best is a good thing but not when you’re being egoistic and arrogant. So I started to work on my ego, day by day. Now I can’t say I’m completely modest like before but yes, I’m not a person who likes to show off either.
So you see, I wouldn’t have changed had someone not told me that I was like that. People we live around are contagious. They effect us more than we’ll ever be able to comprehend. You must be thinking that how can someone speak to me once and I can change drastically. Well I was still in my early teenage and teenagers and kids are effected faster than anyone. Besides if the person you trust is the one to demotivate you then the effect just gets faster.
So if anyone tells you you’re ugly over and over again, then you feel like you’re ugly and you start acting that way inside out; If anyone tells you you’re useless and lazy then trust me ( it’s my experience ), you’ll feel more lazy and useless around those people. This is completely involuntary. You just can’t help it.
Now sometimes people don’t say things like these at you face, they instead act like that. This is a pretty common phenomenon. Like if you consider a child as an idiot and don’t involve him in serious tasks or give him/her, any serious responsibility. That would make the child believe that you don’t trust him/her with important stuff. So every action of yours has a serious impact on the people around you.
The people who taunt you when you can’t get something right aren’t completely wrong though, they are partially right, since all they want is you to take their words seriously and be determined to prove them wrong. But what they don’t understand is that the feeling to prove someone wrong doesn’t come easily. It comes after a lot of sadness, anger, helplessness and self motivation. While I agree that this increases your tolerance level and helps you experience self motivation and self control. I believe that this shouldn’t always be followed as it ALSO brings negative effects like you becoming short tempered or repressing your emotions which is really bad for your mental health.
So next time instead of saying “you cant do a single task properly” say, “you’re not great at this task but I’m sure, you’ll get better.” If you add a hint of positivity in your sentence whilst changing the way of speaking and not being blunt then you’ll surely be able to help the other person more effectively.
Thank you! 😃