The subtle art of not giving a f*ck : Elaborate review

Book – The subtle art of not giving a f*ck
Author – Mark Manson
Genre – Self help, non – fiction
Ratings – 5/5
Main ideas discussed in the book –
  • The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
  • Not giving a f*ck does not mean being different, it means being comfortable with being different.
  • To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity
  • Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature and necessary components to creating consistent happiness.
  • Problems never go away, they just improve, so don’t hope for a life free of problems, hope for a life full of good problems.
  • “Hedonic treadmill”: the idea where we’re always working hard to change our life situation, but we actually never feel very different.
  • Pervasiveness of technology and mass marketing is screwing up a lot of people’s expectations for themselves. The inundation of the exceptional makes people feel worse about themselves.
  • We’re all NOT special and extraordinary. Because if everyone were extraordinary then by definition, basically no one would be extraordinary.
  • Being “average” has now become a new standard of failure.
  • People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great- they’re mediocre, they’re average- and that they could be so much better.
  • Self awareness is like an onion, there are multiple layers to it. The more you peel them, the more likely you’re to start crying at inappropriate times.
  • People’s perceptions and feelings may change, but the underlying values, and the metrics by which those values are assessed, stay the same. This is not real progress. This is just another way to achieve more highs.
  • When we feel that we’re choosing our problems we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us, we feel victimized and miserable.
  • Being at fault and taking responsibility for your actions are two different things. Fault is past tense whereas responsibility is present tense. Fault is the result of the choices already made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making.
  • Our brain is a jumble of inaccuracies. For eg- our mind will sometimes invent false memories by linking our present experiences with that imagined past, our mind allows us to maintain whatever meaning we already established.
  • We should trust ourselves less and instead should be questioning our own intentions and motivations more.
  • The more you will try to be certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you’ll feel.
  • If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are it’s really just you versus yourself.
  • If someone’s better than you at something it’s likely that they’ve failed at it more than you have.
  • Action just isn’t the effect of motivation, it’s also the cause of it.
  • With simply “doing something” as your metric for success- well, even failure pushes you froward.
  • If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t just sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.
  • We all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. And to value something, we must reject what is not that something (I.e, the alternative)
  • Honesty is a natural human craving. But part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no”. In this way, rejection actually makes our relationship better and our emotional lives healthier.
  • The mark of an unhealthy relationship is two people who try to solve each other’s problems in order to feel good about themselves.
  • A healthy relationship is when two people solve their own problems in order to feel good about each other.
  • When our highest priority Is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then no one ends up feeling good. And our relationship falls apart without us even knowing it.
  • When we are overloaded with opportunities and options then we suffer from what psychologists refer to as the paradox of choice. Basically the more options we are given, the less satisfied we become.
  • Nothing makes you present and mindful like being inches away from your own death.
  • The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see yourself as something bigger than yourself; to choose values that stretch beyond serving yourself, that are simple and immediate and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around you.
  • The gravity of entitlement sucks all the attention inward, towards ourselves, causing us to feel as though we are the center of all the problems in the universe, that we are the one suffering all of the injustices, that we are the one who deserve greatness above all others.
These are basically the ideas and topics that have been elaborately and quite extensively talked about in the book. All of these ideas have been explained by Manson in an awe-inspiring manner, supported with examples and a few of his own life anecdotes.
The reason why I wrote the main ideas discussed by Manson in this book is because as readers, before reading any self help or a non fiction we basically want to be sure if it’s worth all the time and effort that we’ll give it.
The reason why I loved this book is because Mark Manson has explained all the above mentioned ideas (and a few more) with complete application of reason. We just don’t need to believe in these concepts like we’re made to in other self helps. This book basically satisfies all our doubts about applying these concepts and gives us reassurance since Manson has basically applied most of this in his life too.
Now this is a perfect book but Also paradoxical to other self helps. This book doesn’t only talks about being positive and practicing gratitude. It talks about a lot more than that and even briefs us as to why it’s not always good to be positive.
This book is my personal favourite and is the #1 international bestseller. But since nothing is perfect, this book also has it’s own flaws. I believe that this book should have mentioned about the importance of gratitude in it’s pages. ‘Cause though being realistic and accepting problems is crucial, I believe that by practicing gratitude, we’re able to cherish even the smallest of happy moments that occur in out life. This practice is like a ray of hope when everything seems dark and impossible.
Merging Mark Manson’s ideas with the this can basically make our life whole. But then again, while practicing gratitude is a great thing, at the same time looking for highs and having false superficial beliefs is completely destructive, which is well taken care of by Manson in this book.
I personally was moved by the last chapter where Mark Manson discussed about how we should embrace our death and think about it all the time (or at least keep it in mind) to actually live our lives to the fullest.
I also came to know that I was (and still am) a heavily flawed person, but reading this book helped me solve almost half my problems and me a better person personally.
These self helps aren’t only for demotivated or nerd-like people. These books are for everyone who has a thirst to know about their faults and correct them because your personality should not be influenced by freaking books but the values on which your personality is based must be chosen by the right metrics. That’s what this book helped me understand.
Thank you!
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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Nirant Gurav says:

    Beautifully arranged review mate โœ”๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ‘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Arushi says:

      Thanks buddy๐Ÿ’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nirant Gurav says:

        My pleasure ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Arushi says:

      Thanks buddy๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the summary beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Arushi says:

      Thank you! I’m glad, you found it helpful๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ’ž

      Liked by 1 person

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