Have you ever been talked to in a condescending way?
Like people treat you like shit for some foreign reason and you have nothing to defend yourself and your pride?
In these situations we often feel a bit downcast and are subjected to self doubt. Why? Well, it doesn’t matter how highly you think of yourself, as soon as someone makes a snide remark about your race, your appearance, your financial status, etc, you just subconsciously start doubting yourself.
Now note the word “subconscious”. You might not intend to doubt yourself or feel inferior, hell, you might even stick it to that person’s face, yet all of that is external protection of pride. It is not something you are internally, permanently satisfied with. You might feel contented by the fact that you were able to comeback at that person and protect yourself yet there will always be that small voice that’ll tell you that you need to fix your so called “imperfection” or show the world that you are so much better than what they think you are.
You know what?
Firstly, you changed your opinion about yourself because a single person thought that you’re not good enough. There are billions of people in this world. Today one person disregarded you, Tomorrow there’ll be millions of people. But you’ll still have some people who would see you from a good perspective. This Is what our biggest problem. We think that the world we live in, revolves around the 1000 people we know and are acquainted with. Well guess what, it doesn’t work that way.
The people who care about what you do or are somehow emotionally or professionally affected by what you do are not even 0.5% of the world’s population.
You might not fit in your school, college or even the job you take. You know why? Because you still are surrounded by the same kind of people. You Still make similar kind of friends who disregard you for petty matters and make you feel like a misfit.
It’s not your fault though, it’s human tendency to do this. None of us can help it, it just happens. What should you do? Make a diverse group of friends. Try and engage and talk to different kinds of people, know their opinions on different issues and matters.
What will this do though?
Well it might not make you a “fit” for this world but it sure as hell will tell you that this world has diverse people, who in turn have diverse views on various topics.
But you know what our second problem is? We don’t know ourselves.
This is the biggest, the most devastating and the most unheard of problem.
No one knows about it. But let me bring it to your notice that when we are even a tiny bit affected by others’ judgement, it means that we let their views, their decisions, overrule ours. This cannot happen if we are certain about ourselves.
I heard a quote spoken by @jayshetty in one of his videos, it says,
I’m not what I think I Am, I’m not what you think I am. I am, what I think, you think I am
This means that our views about ourselves is clouded. We think that it’s OUR perception but the reality is, that it’s basically our peers, friends, family and even acquaintances who play a decisive role in our I understanding of ourselves. But the catch here is, that they don’t directly influence our view about ourselves. What we view ourselves is just what we think that others’ think about us. The finny part here is that half the time we don’t even know what the other person actually thinks, we just assume that the other person thinks something about us and we keep that perception about ourselves as well.
If the great urban monk Jay Shetty believes this then does this mean that we can’t have self awareness and self actualisation? Does this mean that we’ll never know the truth about ourselves and be constantly bothered by another’s opinion about us?
No, it certainly doesn’t😎
Well, Jay Shetty spoke those lines to highlight the ordinary and common person’s thinking. The 1% people who are successful in this world in their respective fields are actually very self aware. Take the example of Gary Vaynerchuk, he being one of the most popular and loved businessman says, “When You Know Exactly Who You Are, You Put Zero Weight On Anyone’s Opinion”
The other example of a self aware successful person is Mark Manson, the author of the book “The subtle art of not giving a fuck.” All through his book, he says that you don’t have to give too many fucks, he says that give limited fucks. It means that, we basically needn’t care about a lot of things including opinions of another. He says that our values and metrics should be the deciding factors of our lives.
There are a lot of people like these two who’re successful and believe that self awareness contributed a hell lot to bring them where they are.
So the next time you’re upset over something that some idiot said about you, just know that you’re still not sure about yourself and you need to figure out a huge, complex and very confusing puzzle- YOU