How are most advises biased?

It’s funny how we often find a way to be blame someone. Either that or we’re just too gullible to always take the blame of stuff for which we aren’t even responsible.

This is how it goes right?

You get something right and you fish your way to get the credit, you make a mistake and you find others to blame and sometimes even when it’s no ones fault you start criticising yourself.

But is doing all of this necessary?

Is blaming someone or taking the blame when we’re not at fault always the solution? Nope. It’s not.

It’s our defence mechanism.

I’m no neuroscientist but I know from personal experience and by reflecting on my past that we are always willing to do something with stuff. We’re restless and quickly either find someone to blame it on or take it all on ourselves. We just can’t let it be.
That’s how we are. If we make a mistake, we would first dig who’s fault it is. It’s the first step we take before even solving the problem. Like, we treat it is a pre required task that we have to accomplish.

“But not all of us find people to blame. Some of us choose to ignore and spare the person at fault too”

Yes, it’s true that even though most people’s first instinct is to find the culprit, yet some people want to pretend to ignore the person who’s at fault for his/her own good. I’m one such person.
I often choose to ignore people who make mistakes and focus on solving the problem instead.

But here’s the thing, there is an unsaid and pretty much implied step we make before solving the problem in this case. We ignore the person who did it.

Doesn’t this mean that we already know who did it?

Or course it does. And sometimes even when we don’t know about the person who creates the problem, we still wanna know deep inside who created the problem. We might not always show it but it really matters to us who is at fault and who is the victim.

“But why on earth am I talking about this? So what if we do care who caused the problem?”

The thing is, when we get a problem, we don’t solve it neurally, nope. We solve it biasedly.

Now I know this may sound shitty to some of you.
So let me elaborate.

The thing is, as I explained above, we might or might not consciously search for the victims and the troublemakers. But it’s there in us to do it. And it’s there for a reason.
I wasn’t sure about the reason as well. It was only after I pondered on it for a long time that I realized that this has something to do with the way our mind works.

We want to be sure about the concerned person, because our solutions and advises change from person to person. If our family is concerned then we often give realistic, practical and very thoughtful advises to solve the problem at hand.
However if it’s one of our acquaintances, we try and give a more generalised and ideal solutions
And when it comes to ourselves. We not only see if the solution is practically possible or not, we also make decisions and solutions based on our intuition and emotional state.

I’ll give you an example, so that you’ll understand my point of view better.

Ashley, my friend, has a boyfriend who is a douche and doesn’t treat her right, but he also loves her and makes her guilty, reminding her their happy moments together whenever she tries to break up.
What Radhika did as a good friend is, say, “go and break up with him, because no guy deserves to be the one who decides what you do. If he treats you like shit then you don’t need to put up with him.”
She didn’t break up with him because she said she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Radhika knew it’s difficult for her but she was only seeing the practicality. If she breaks up then She’ll initially hurt but later She’ll be glad to do so.
So Radhika dealt with the situation in a practical and ideal way.

However, when she herself faced this situation she talked to her boyfriend and tried her best to sort things out first. She tried to make it work for them. Even if he treats her like his possession, she talked her way out and tried to make him see her point of view, make him jealous to show him how important she is, and show him her value. She didn’t directly break up with him. She gave him a chance, or maybe two. She did all of this even though she knew he wasn’t right for her. Why?
Because her guilty conscience and his claimed ‘love’ didn’t let her move on for a long time. She broke up with him later. But it wasn’t the same as she insisted her friend to do. She didn’t make a rash decision and even though she was sure that she deserves Better, she kept trying to make it work and make amends. In the end when she was tired of trying and having no success, she broke up.

In these two scenarios, Radhika and Ashley both break up with their boyfriends because they don’t treat them right. But the way Radhika suggests to Ashley, is so much more different than the way she actually does it.

If our friend’s science project is due tomorrow then we’ll do our best to help him out, as a good friend right? But we would be so much more relaxed because it’s not us who’re facing the problem. If it was us instead then also even though We’d do our best, we would do it with anxiety and nerves.

What these examples show is,

The end result might be same, but our way of coping and solving problems in different scenarios is different.
I know it sounds terribly selfish. But other than feeling sorry for others, our mind is pretty calm while solving others’ problems. But when it comes to our problems, we’re all fucked up and anxious, and our way of dealing with it is completely different.

You get something right and you fish your way to get the credit, you make a mistake and you find others to blame and sometimes even when it’s no ones fault you start criticising yourself.

But is doing all of this necessary?

Is blaming someone or taking the blame when we’re not at fault always the solution? Nope. It’s not.

It’s our defence mechanism.

I’m no neuroscientist but I know from personal experience and by reflecting on my past that we are always willing to do something with stuff. We’re restless and quickly either find someone to blame it on or take it all on ourselves. We just can’t let it be.
That’s how we are. If we make a mistake, we would first dig who’s fault it is. It’s the first step we take before even solving the problem. Like, we treat it is a pre required task that we have to accomplish.

“But not all of us find people to blame. Some of us choose to ignore and spare the person at fault too”

Yes, it’s true that even though most people’s first instinct is to find the culprit, yet some people want to pretend to ignore the person who’s at fault for his/her own good. I’m one such person.
I often choose to ignore people who make mistakes and focus on solving the problem instead.

But here’s the thing, there is an unsaid and pretty much implied step we make before solving the problem in this case. We ignore the person who did it.

Doesn’t this mean that we already know who did it?

Or course it does. And sometimes even when we don’t know about the person who creates the problem, we still wanna know deep inside who created the problem. We might not always show it but it really matters to us who is at fault and who is the victim.

“But why on earth am I talking about this? So what if we do care who caused the problem?”

The thing is, when we get a problem, we don’t solve it neurally, nope. We solve it biasedly.

Now I know this may sound shitty to some of you.
So let me elaborate.

The thing is, as I explained above, we might or might not consciously search for the victims and the troublemakers. But it’s there in us to do it. And it’s there for a reason.
I wasn’t sure about the reason as well. It was only after I pondered on it for a long time that I realized that this has something to do with the way our mind works.

We want to be sure about the concerned person, because our solutions and advises change from person to person. If our family is concerned then we often give realistic, practical and very thoughtful advises to solve the problem at hand.
However if it’s one of our acquaintances, we try and give a more generalised and ideal solutions
And when it comes to ourselves. We not only see if the solution is practically possible or not, we also make decisions and solutions based on our intuition and emotional state.

I’ll give you an example, so that you’ll understand my point of view better.

Ashley, my friend, has a boyfriend who is a douche and doesn’t treat her right, but he also loves her and makes her guilty, reminding her their happy moments together whenever she tries to break up.
What Radhika did as a good friend is, say, “go and break up with him, because no guy deserves to be the one who decides what you do. If he treats you like shit then you don’t need to put up with him.”
She didn’t break up with him because she said she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Radhika knew it’s difficult for her but she was only seeing the practicality. If she breaks up then She’ll initially hurt but later She’ll be glad to do so.
So Radhika dealt with the situation in a practical and ideal way.

However, when she herself faced this situation she talked to her boyfriend and tried her best to sort things out first. She tried to make it work for them. Even if he treats her like his possession, she talked her way out and tried to make him see her point of view, make him jealous to show him how important she is, and show him her value. She didn’t directly break up with him. She gave him a chance, or maybe two. She did all of this even though she knew he wasn’t right for her. Why?
Because her guilty conscience and his claimed ‘love’ didn’t let her move on for a long time. She broke up with him later. But it wasn’t the same as she insisted her friend to do. She didn’t make a rash decision and even though she was sure that she deserves Better, she kept trying to make it work and make amends. In the end when she was tired of trying and having no success, she broke up.

In these two scenarios, Radhika and Ashley both break up with their boyfriends because they don’t treat them right. But the way Radhika suggests to Ashley, is so much more different than the way she actually does it.

If our friend’s science project is due tomorrow then we’ll do our best to help him out, as a good friend right? But we would be so much more relaxed because it’s not us who’re facing the problem. If it was us instead then also even though We’d do our best, we would do it with anxiety and nerves.

What these examples show is,

The end result might be same, but our way of coping and solving problems in different scenarios is different.
I know it sounds terribly selfish. But other than feeling sorry for others, our mind is pretty calm while solving others’ problems. But when it comes to our problems, we’re all fucked up and anxious, and our way of dealing with it is completely different.



Blaming someone or finding out the victim and the cause of problem is our first instinct because if we don’t know who’s it all about then our way of dealing with it will not be determined.

Hope this helps!

Thank you!

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Ya It’s really funny how some often find a way to be blame someone….,”
    Expressed very well- Those two scenarios of Ashley & radhika made this article more powerful and appealing.
    Straight-forward writing style, liked it very dear.
    ” The end result might be same, but our way of coping and solving problems in different scenarios is different. ” True that, couldn’t agree more.
    Keep writing – I know you’re not a neuroscientist, but know everything more than a neuroscientist😉😉😉😉
    Stay blessed dear.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Arushi says:

      Oh my god, you’re gonna make me cry😭💝💝💝
      Thank you so much for the encouraging words sis.🙌😊
      I’m really glad that you found the article good. It gives me a sort of reassurance😍🔥

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Quite a logical and amazing blog. I must say you’ve got the readers attention throughout the blog.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Arushi says:

      This means a lot to me. Thanks a ton!
      I’m glad that you found the blog post a good one and were engaged while reading it, Kalyan Parimi

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Very interesting insights into this blaming game and biased advises topic😊
    When you said that some people often choose to ignore people who make mistakes and focus on solving the problem instead… I was like… That’s me! (Just like you😅)

    But what you said next is sooo true… “We ignore the person who did it. Doesn’t this mean that we already know who did it?”
    You had me at this question… I mean…wow!❤ I never thought it that way😅

    You might not be neuroscientist but are you a psychology student? I always get fascinated about human behaviour and the way we humans think and (correct me, if I’m wrong😅) I think that’s what psychology helps us understand😁

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Arushi says:

      Thank you sooooo freaking much💝💝💝
      And no, I’m no psychology student (even though I wanted to be one 🤓). I just observed something normal which even though some of us know, we chose to ignore. 🙌
      And I’m glad we have the solving problem and ignoring people who created it thing in common🔥😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. As long as we are on topic of common things… here’s another thing we have in common. I’m not a psychology student even though I wanted to be one too. 🙈😅 I too love observing things/people around me and try to understand them better😁 ✌

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Arushi says:

        Whoa! That’s a lot of stuff we have in common😂😂🙌😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Zebua says:

    I also often do it, blaming others first before solving the problem. Usually this happens automatically. Is this human nature? Because every individual does it. But if we correct ourselves first and think positively, maybe this will not happen.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Arushi says:

      Hopefully it wouldn’t if only we think twice before actually implementing our ideas

      Like

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