He looked at me through moist lashes, for I hurt him bad enough for him to hate me with all his heart, but he doesn’t.
He doesn’t hate me and this knowledge haunts me. I did it all to protect him, and being away from him is gonna be so painful if he is never going to look at me with hate and remind me how I don’t deserve him.
He instead looks at me with those reminiscent eyes and wistful expression. As if I was a part of his past which he loved and enjoyed.
If he ever looked at me with those hateful eyes, I would’ve still had the hope of being his number one girl, of ruling his heart, like he rules mine.
But he doesn’t look at me that way. He just gives me a silent treatment and I find him staring at me with amusement and awe, as if I’m a puzzle he’s trying to solve.
His father was a chief and wanted his son to be one, but he didn’t want it. He just wanted to be with me, wherever I Go. While it was flattering to know that a guy is willing to be by my side, his father opened my eyes by explaining me how this would ruin his son’s life. I tried explaining him numerous times, we even argued a lot because of this. But never once did we ever look at the other with less love or less compassion. So I broke up with him. I was so sure that he loves me too much to ever give up on us, and maybe he’ll think something for his future if I leave him, that I never once gave a thought that I might become a thing of past. That I might lose him altogether.
I let this happen for a whole month, and then when he did become a chief like his dad, his dad invited me and thanked me for the sacrifice and for opening his son’s eyes. But when I saw him that day, in the party, and that he had a steady girlfriend who was there by his side in the party, I fell apart completely.
I realized something that moment. I realized that people won’t wait for you all their life. Even if a part of them loves you, they just won’t wait. I broke up with him because I didn’t think it was working out, according to him. He had no idea that I did this so I could see him today, successful as ever. He didn’t know that I still loved him. He didn’t know about the nights I cried just because I couldn’t tell him the truth, he didn’t know that I was tired of acting like a cold hearted bitch.
He didn’t know any of this, and he needn’t know any of this. I still love him and he still loves me, but we have to move on. I can’t hold him back any longer, he’s not mine to cry over anymore. He has found love again, it makes me wanna smile and cry at the same time. Smile because it makes me incredibly proud to see the result of my sacrifice; cry because I never thought I’ll become just another face in the world for him.
I waited too long, I hoped too much. I held onto a non existent relationship. Hoping to explain things later,make it better for the two of us. I guess I did open his eyes, but maybe it wasn’t for his career success. Maybe, all this time, while I was contented with the fact that I placed his career and his future first, he was reflecting on “us”, probably realising with each passing day without me, that he never really needed me as much as he thought he did.
Nothing in life would last long enough for you to get back to it later.
I lost him, and I regret it, but it’s probably for the best. I’m hoping that someday I’ll find someone too. Someone, who’s mere existence would make me feel amused about my past too. Someone who’ll help me forget about him. Forget about her, standing beside him, arm in arm.
Everything has an expiry, so it’s better that you learn to sustain and nurture it for as long as you have.